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A Sunday school teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?" Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands. "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?" Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!" "What a wonderful answer!" The teacher said.
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Now, Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs." The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" "Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other nigh. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was going, "Oh God, I'm coming! If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd a lost her for sure."
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
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The next day...Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted.

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A gay man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist whether he sells extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies, "Yes we do. We stock the 'Magnum' brand by Trojan. Would you like to buy some?"

He responds, "No sir. But would you mind if I waited around here until someone does?"